I have recently gone through a period of having everything I knew and was settled in, turned upside down. When I asked for counsel and prayer from a godly sister, I received a reply...
"You are being evicted from your life, by God. You are becoming a new wine skin. Nothing that has ties to 'old' ruts can prosper, He is breaking up the old routines that echo in your heart".
She said much more, but I wanted to share this with you to encourage you and it may just give you insight into what God is doing, in what may feel like the most uncomfortable and unrelenting experience you have ever encountered.
I received the words from my sister, however processing it has taken much longer. They brought some relief, relief that I wasn't just reeling from it all for no reason, but that there was purpose in it.
And as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good [Gen 50:20]
Roll-on some months and I am re-watching The Hobbit - an unexpected journey. I was already familiar with the story, I had been since the age of 8. But this time around, the scenes and dialogue took on new significance and gave extra clarity to my situation.
Let me me explain in more detail.
Bilbo Baggins is a creature of comfort. We see him early-on, puffing on his pipe in his garden. He not only IS a creature of comfort, he proudly owns that title. He likes what he knows and knows what he likes.
Now listen with your heart to the dialogue that follows in the early scenes. I will jump a little, for those who know the film, to illustrate my point. Firstly, he is interrupted by the wizard, who, for the purposes of what I want to share, is the father figure - the heavenly father figure in as much that he knows what is good for Bilbo, even if Bilbo does not have a clue. Gandalf, the wizard is somewhat familiar to Bilbo, however, Gandalf's invitation into adventure is met with no small amount of distain. Bilbo's quiet reflection has been shaken and he makes it clear to the wizard that adventure is not desirable in any way shape or form and he shuts the door on the matter quite literally.
Gandalf, then unbeknown to Bilbo, marks the door with a symbol and leaves. Gandalf has set in motion a chain of events through this mark and he is simply not going to let Bilbos protestations thwart his purpose.
You may be familiar with what happens next, but one night as Bilbo is tucking into his pan-fried fish, there comes a knock on the door and this repeats, and each time he opens the door - one or a number of rough and ready dwarfs come into his home uninvited. They eat him out of house and home and are blissfully unaware at their abuse of Bilbo's home, and totally deaf to Bilbos pleas for restraint.
Then Gandalf shows up with more dwarves, and so does Thorin, the leader of the dwarves. Gandalf's mark on the door was a sign to the dwarves that Bilbos house was the pre-ordained venue for a very important meeting.
The scene unfolds, but the real unfolding is taking place in Bilbo's fearful heart - it is an uncomfortable place and the discomfort is about to get worse.
Bilbo has been 'sold', to the company of dwarves, as a burglar, a much needed addition to the quest that is about to be revealed. Bilbo doesn't have a clue. Gandalf has already discussed Bilbo's 'credentials' to the group and they are under scrutiny. The credentials are based on how the wizard sees Bilbo, the Bilbo yet to be.
The quest is revealed and so the invitation which Gandalf had already alluded to, now has substance to it. And Bilbo is even more unsettled. Thorin speaks to Bilbo; "the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight or fend for themselves". Bilbo is in full agreement.
Thorin suggests that Bilbo is too soft. He asks "have you done much fighting?" The other dwarves tease him with frightening dragon tales. Gandalf stresses that Bilbo is the burglar they need for the quest, and the dwarves as well as Bilbo become very animated.
Gandalf then rises up from the table and with great authority declares defiantly - "If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is!" He silences them all.
Listen to the wizards declaration of faith in this seemingly inconsequential being. "He has a great deal more to offer than any of you know. including himself." and "You must trust me in this."
Lets withdraw from the scene for a moment. Can you hear this echo in your own heart? By the fathers authority (Who He is) and by the fathers qualification (What He has declared) He silences our accusers and He silences our own doubts, about our status! (Who we are) Do you believe that?
If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is!
And so Bilbos tiny story and his quiet life is being turned upside down, but a decision is yet to be made. Will he give his yes to this invitation of a great adventure? We kind of know the answer already but the process is extraordinary and reveals what our Heavenly Father sometimes does; to move us into the bigger story and the role he has for us. Before Bilbo decides, Bilbo is being evicted from his comfort zone - play by play - in the tension of indecision and in the tension of uncertainty.
The adventure knocks on his door. His larder is a metaphor for his heart. It doesn't really have room for much else. A hobbit stores stuff for a rainy day, for many rainy days. A hobbit takes great satisfaction in knowing he has plentiful supply of wine, ale, tobacco and food. A hobbit is prepared. As long as he stays where he is!
We are not long into this scene before his larder, his reserves are under attack and he is soon left empty of provisions. This is all part of the process. Sometimes our eviction into adventures new starts with a raid on our provisions. Could be financial, could be our health but it will be where our treasure is, our storing up, our false gods. Our ruts, our old tried and trusted ways. Bilbo watches as the dwarves eat the lot, wreck the plumbing, spoil the doilies and potentially damage the crockery! As each of these symbols of comfort are threatened, Bilbos ties to them are being shaken - re-evaluated, measured in his heart. He doesn't know it, but he is counting the cost.
As the question of his joining the quest fills his head and his heart he sits and speaks- "Just let me sit quietly for a moment".
When we are interrupted, and I mean, properly interrupted, by a crisis, panic ensues. We are disorientated -blindsided. "What on earth is going on?". It can be relentless but it will, if we are still, eventually lead on to a period of evaluation. But we can't stay there. We are forced to get off of the fence by circumstances, and by time. We often become aware that our old perspective isn't working anymore, but we are not yet sure of what we need to do next. This is the cusp of the new adventure. More abundant life, a spacious place. Freedom is on offer but without adjusting our perspective to God's it looks like death!
We were so comfortable in the old that we didn't realise just how constrained we had become.
Freedom is on offer but without adjusting our perspective to God's, it looks and smells like death!
And so Bilbo wants to sit quietly to reflect, but really its a stall. There are so many times in my life when I want to stall. Mainly because I am afraid of what will be asked of me in this new, spacious, unfamiliar land I am being called into.
Gandalf quickly interrupts Bilbos contemplation - "You have been sitting quietly for far too long!" Tell me when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you?"
"I remember a young hobbit who was always running off in search of elves in the woods, he'd stay out late, come home after dark trailing mud and twigs and fire-flies. A young hobbit who would have liked nothing better to find out what lay beyond the borders of the shire".
That young fervour and nerve is still in us, but it has been assaulted and retreated into a corner of our hearts. The future God has for us may look like something we don't feel qualified for, but He qualifies us, and is with us. If we were qualified, would it still be an adventure? If it looked familiar, would it still be an adventure? Would it still thrill our souls?
Whatever age we are, what ever stage of life we are at. Fathers, grandfathers - the world says we should know better. So is it back to the status quo then, back to the tried and tested life plan?
The interruption of God is not a death sentence - it is a glorious invitation to more adventure. To finish well is not about just falling over the line and leaving your personal effects in good order for the next generation - it is a full life to the end. We haven't found home yet. It is coming into view but not yet! Wherever we are stuck and we pray to become unstuck - don't be surprised if the unsticking begins with discomfort, maybe extreme discomfort depending on how well we are prepared to let go of old security blankets, spare batteries and retirement plans.
The scene is approaching its conclusion...
And so Bilbo sleeps late, having not made a decision. He looks for the dwarves and they have gone, He celebrates by punching the air. He then stops. He feels the emptiness in the house. The songs and stories of the night before have vanished. The larder is empty. The hall is empty and the closed round hobbit hole door is glaring at him.
The unsigned 'quest' contract is still on the table.